London Grocery Tech

In London, we were encourage by grocery store staff to use the self service checkout... and it seemed reasonable when we observed that the checkout stations with humans were mostly being used by the elderly and invalid. It looked easy enough, too... slide your items across the barcode reader, just like you've been watching the pros do for years, bag it, insert money and you're on your way. Couldn't be simpler. But this machine is capable of so much more, like knowing when you lift the bag off the bagging platform and popping up a message that doesn't make any sense because it's in English English with words that have slightly different connotation than American English. There is an attendant running around helping people who are struggling with their checkouts... which seems to be just about everyone. We call her over and she pushes a couple of buttons while she mumbles something in English English, coupled with a foreign accent that makes it sound like Dutch or Hindi or something. We're up and running again, but in moments fall victim to the same problem when I remove the next bag. The attendant arrives almost on cue after completing another lap around self service machines, helping people in various states of despair and frustration. No one appears to get through unscathed. This time we stop her mid flight to get a more detailed explanation of the machine's functions. For some confounding reason, the machine simply wants us to acknowledge when a new bag is being used, because they charge for bags here. Fine. Push the button. We're almost done. But then we need special authorization for something. The attendant arrives after yet another round, without a hint of frenzy in what must be a mind-numbing job dealing with endless clueless people who can't seem to read plain English or push a few buttons (even though we use far more complex technology every day.) She calls over a supervisor, who has the special card to authorize the alcoholic beverages in our bag (aha!). An anxious queue is growing behind us as we pick through the still unfamiliar English coins and bills and insert them in slow motion into the machine. Finally, we're on our way. Maybe foreigners should stick to the checkout lanes with humans.